Decisions In Time

Sometimes in life it is hard not to have regrets or to look back at moments in time and wish you had done something differently. Sometimes you wish you could start over with a clean slate. But then you trace those beautifully gnarled lines of time, those major and minuscule decisions, and you realize they brought you exactly to this moment.

Five years ago I decided to board a boat with a fresh tan and a heart in need of mending. At the time, I didn't even want to be there (crazy, I know). I wanted to be alone at home, eating chips and chocolate, and watching Pacey and Joey's epic love story on Dawson's Creek. They could always make me feel better (as long as I didn't watch the prom episode). My family and friends thought that I had spent enough time wallowing, so I bought a new swim suit and drug myself to the Port of Galveston and boarded the ship. It is funny how almost instantly I began to feel better. That trip opened my eyes to happiness and I let go of that insecure girl with a broken heart. Most of you know that part of my new-found happiness was attributed to meeting my very handsome husband on that boat. We barely spoke on the ship, but I guess it was enough to spark an interest in both of us. A week after we docked back in Galveston, we went on our first date to Frankie's in Uptown (which no longer exists :( ). We watched March Madness basketball over some beers and talked long into the night. We've been together ever since. 

So what happened after that first date? How did we get here? It is fun reminiscing about the beginning of our relationship, but interestingly enough, I wouldn't accept any amount of money in the world to go back there. The beginning was wonderful and new, but it was also pretty difficult. I was, unfortunately, balls-to-the-wall whacked out of my mind with doubt, worry, and insecurity often (Hey! I thought you said you let go of that?! Sorry, not so easy!). A couple of cheating ex-boyfriends will do that to a young girl. I know I made it difficult on Jimmy, and I get embarrassed sometimes thinking about how I acted. But he stayed. Jimmy was able to look past my deepest fears and see my true self. It took time, but with patience he was able to heal the cracks on my heart. For that, I will always love him. Another big hurdle we had to overcome was Jimmy's CPA exams. Those damn tests took up almost every bit of his time for almost two years. I understood how important they were, but we never saw each other. Sometimes I would go over to his apartment and read a book on his bed while he studied just so we could see one another face to face. We fought often because Jimmy was stressed and felt bad, and I didn't want to pressure him, but I wanted a boyfriend. It was a long, drawn out period, but I stayed. Jimmy was worth staying for. We overcame a lot of hurdles, but it is funny how one day it just gets easier. You wake up and realize that the person next to you is your best friend and that you both stayed.

I wouldn't trade any of our moments together for anything. Jimmy is truly my best friend, my confidant, and my home. He makes me laugh every day and even when we drive each other nuts, I know we will always stay. And isn't that what matters most? So happy five years to my handsome, incredibly kind, and loving husband. I am truly blessed that all of our little decisions in time led us to one another.