Strange Body, Happy Life

Boy, oh boy...where do I begin? Sorry for the slight hiatus in my posting. Sometimes I let the stresses and overwhelming nature of my world take hold of me and I forget that writing is my stress relief. Maybe one day I will learn. 

I picked up an extra shift at work, which on night shift means I basically slept and worked for an entire week. I'm not even sure what happened last week. I also hosted one of Kasey's baby showers this past Saturday so I had been busy preparing for that. Extra shifts hurt the body, but everyone was right. I just looked at my paycheck and boy is it sweet! I can't believe it is almost June (my birth month!). Life goes by in a flash and sometimes that scares the heck out of me. How is this year already half over? As I inch closer to 27 years on this earth I am having a lot of thoughts (or thinkings as my mama would say). I hope I am living a truly honorable life. I hope I am a good person. This year so far has been stressful, but also great. I am loving my new job. I can't believe how lucky I am to work with some of the smartest, funniest, and most genuine nurses. I can't believe I am saying this, but when the time comes for me to go to day shift, I am going to be really, really sad. On night shift basically all you have is your fellow nurses and techs. You become a tight-knit unit that supports each other through anything. Not a night goes by that I don't have multiple people asking me if I need help or if there is anything they can do for me. It is so refreshing! Our team leaders at night (Kelsey, Jamie, and Julie) are amazeballs. Around all of them I am constantly laughing and learning... and boy do I have a lot to learn! At least I know I am in good hands with those three and every other nurse I work with.

Ok, I am done girl-crushing on my new job.

My new gluten free lifestyle is going pretty good! I feel so much better and don't get that horrible, uncomfortable bloating anymore. I have kind of faltered on the dairy free, womp womp. Hey, at least I'm honest! It has been a lot harder to go dairy free than it is to go gluten free. I have cut down on my dairy consumption considerably though. I am finally ok with almond milk. The color and taste wigged me out at first, but now I am used to it. Earth Balance vegan butter is pretty good. I still haven't tried vegan cheese because it looks disgusting, but one day I will. I haven't found any gluten free bread that tastes good. That has been frustrating. I don't mind it when it is toasted with peanut butter, but I'm sure a reason for that is I am putting so much peanut butter on it I am masking the taste, haha. I have realized that I make healthier choices just by being gluten free. I used to be a snacker, but I can't do that anymore because most snacks at arms reach have flour in them. Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment after work in the morning. I had some time to kill and was hungry. Before I would with 100% certainty gotten donuts, a Chick-Fil-A chicken biscuit, or a bagel. Since I can't have any of that now, I popped into Whole Foods to see what I could find. Did you know they have a hot breakfast bar in the morning? I didn't either. I ended up getting scrambled eggs and turkey sausage. So much healthier! I'm not saying its easy though. Honestly, I really wanted the donuts. I want to be honest and let you all know that I have cheated on my gluten free diet once. I went all out for dinner and desert one night with Jimmy and I paid heavily for it. Ugh, I felt AWFUL. I'm a stubborn gal though, I have to test the waters in order to know what I am doing is right.

I had a follow up with Stephanie and Dr. Pinto yesterday afternoon. I am down 8 pounds! Woo hoo! My BMI went down by a point and after she hooked me up to her body composition thingy I lost 4 pounds of fat. SCORE! She caught me though... I also lost some poundage in muscle. She looked right at me and said, "how's the exercise going?" Well, duh, obviously if I lost muscle, I'm not exercising. She was nice about it and she never judges me. We set some goals that I intend to follow. I hate working out, but I know I need to. I need that fat level to go down and the muscle level to go up. She did some follow up lab work and her and I are meeting in another 2 weeks to have an "accountability follow up." Terrifying. Guess I should go for a jog.

Sooo.. now for the strange part. About two weeks ago I found a lump in my left arm. I couldn't make this stuff up even if I tried. It is located just above the crease in my elbow and is about the size of a silver dollar. Its big. I found it in the middle of the night at work and my coworker, Caitlin and I proceeded to google everything. Haha, so dumb. She did offer to needle aspirate it, which I thought was nice and supportive. I had one of the PAs look at it also and he thought it felt like a lipoma but encouraged me to get it checked out. I went to the doctor and she thought lipoma also, but wanted me to see a general surgeon because of where it is located. A lipoma is basically a benign, fatty tumor. Lovely. I'm trying to lose weight and it is accumulating in tumor-like blobs in my body. I'm not going to lie, this lump has freaked me out. It doesn't help working on an oncology unit, but I hate the fact that I have some foreign lump in my body. I keep going back and forth between thinking its ok, to worrying that I have cancer. Stupid, stupid cancer. I saw a general surgeon yesterday, and I am scheduled to have it removed on June 2nd. Because it is located in the crease of my elbow in such a vascular area it has to be removed in the OR. I'll be put under, but he said it is a relatively quick procedure. Of course I asked if he would biopsy it and he said he would. I just have to know for sure what it is.

So, that's whats been going on with me. Some good, some bad, but hey that's life! Beautiful, messy life.

Until next time,