Does anyone else get a little anxious, or possibly irked by all of the Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc. posts that say things like "2016 will be the best year yet!" or "The Best is Yet to Come!" To me, it feels like a lot of pressure.
And what about all of the amazing years behind us that were pretty damn spectacular? Do those go away because 2016 is a pushy bitch that stomps in and says, "NO! I will be the best!"? I know this seems like an odd way to look at an upcoming year. It may even sound kind of cynical. This past week I have been thinking a lot about time and how fast it is going. I feel like 2015 was here one moment and gone the next. Not that I am all that sad about it. 2015 was a kind of tough year for me, Jimmy, and my entire family. But everyday, for 365 days, all of us showed up for each annoying, straining, spectacular day. And each one of those days brought us here, to a new year. Nothing is behind us, but more became a part of us. Infertility, divorce, hard decisions, multiple moves; it is all still very present in our lives and interwoven in our every day. It was all necessary for our path and our growth. So, do I want to be the person that writes down five New Year's resolutions and sticks to them? Of course, but I am not that person. Do I want to be the person who says "bring it on 2016, you're mine and I am going to rock you!"? Yeah, I would love to have that kind of pep ;). But, I don't know what is to come. All I can do is have good intentions for my life and for my soul.
I follow Sophia Bush on Instagram (One Tree Hill for life yo!) and she often has very uplifting, but realistic things to say about life. Last night she posted something that I loved and hit the nail on the head to how I feel about New Year's. She posted a quote from the I Am Her Tribe Instagram account that basically said to ditch your resolutions. To resolve means to find a solution to a problem, and you are not a problem. I never thought about it like that, but I love it. My favorite thing she said was instead of making resolutions, take time to reflect instead. What is heavy? What is light? What would you like to see shift in your life?
So, I did just that. I took some time to reflect and thought about some actions, intentions, and adjustments I might like to see in 2016. If they work out or don't, it is okay. That's life my friends.
1. It is okay to press pause on something you thought you really wanted. This relates to our infertility journey. We tried and did everything right this year, but now we are taking a little break. That doesn't mean I don't want kids, I really, really do. It just means I want to take some time to myself right now. All of those hormones changed me, and not for the better. I realized that I need to find a certain peace within myself before trudging on to the next more intense and invasive steps. And in deciding to press pause, I found that peace.
2. Take time to travel, and explore the shit out of your life. Travel does the soul good. It opens your eyes and your mind to all the wonderful things this world has to offer. Travel big or travel small. Take a plane or take a car. I don't care, just get out there!
3. Find the people in your life that inspire and uplift you. Life is too short to have friends that are soul-suckers. This is a hard one. It is unbelievably difficult to break up with friends. But sometimes it is necessary. The amount of time someone has been in your life does not mean they are good to you or for you. Who will always be there for you? Who doesn't pick petty fights with you while not asking or understanding what is going on in your life? I believe women need other women in their life. We are a strong, bad ass group that needs to uplift one another. If you have toxic relationships in your life, time to say good riddance.
4. Realize the importance and unending love of family. Family may mean something different to you and me. Family may be your blood relatives, or your friends. Whichever group of people you recognize as your family, hold on to them. Cherish them. And lean on them when you need support. I lean so hard on my family, I am surprised they can stand up straight at all.
5. Find the reason you feel life's anxieties and attack it head on, instead of trying to bury it. What in life is getting you down? Stressing you out? Sometimes I let work fill me with tremendous anxiety. I look cool as a cucumber on the outside, but on the inside sirens are going off. I need to trust in my abilities as a nurse more. I need to shake off the crippling fear of failing. People fail all the time. They just have to get back up. What causes you anxiety? How do you deal with it?
6. It is okay to not be okay with how you feel about your body. I am all for the self-love campaign. Love yourself, love your body, love your mind. But I also think it is okay to not feel 100% about yourself. It is just how you deal with it that matters. This year of hormones has left me overweight, with unwanted hair growth, and anxiety. I'm not going to sit here and lie to you and say "I love myself, I am beautiful." Because, I don't feel beautiful. I feel like an ogre. But, I am doing research on how to better deal with my PCOS and its side effects. I am wanting to not feel like an ogre. And I will get there, it is just going to be a lot of work. So, I say to anyone who is dealing with not feeling their best: it is okay! Sit down and figure out what would get you feeling better, and take baby steps to getting there.
7. Toss away everything that is dull and boring in your life. Hate the book you are reading? Don't finish it. Don't like the TV series you are watching? Find something else. Don't settle for feeling mediocre. Find what makes your heart tick and dive in head first.
8. Unplug from technology once in a while. Put down your phone, tablet, whatever, and talk to the people around you. Read a paper book, it feels so good to flip the pages! We are living in a technology obsessed world, and while most of the time that is okay, take some time to unplug. It feels ridiculously good.
9. Know that it is okay to express and feel your emotions. It is okay to be sad, it is okay to be angry, it is okay to be cheek-crampingly happy. I think a lot of times we feel like emotions are weakness. I disagree. I think your emotions make you who you are. I think we need to feel, and all the better to feel everything.
10. Screw the laundry, the dishes, the dust. Spend a day doing what YOU want to do. All of your chores will (unfortunately) be waiting there for you when you get back. So leave them there for the day and have a you day. Watch TV all day in your PJs. Read an entire book in a day. Go shopping. Go exercise. Just go!
11. Learn to do things on your own and find peace with yourself. This is something I need to work on. Being okay with just myself. Go to a movie or restaurant alone and just feel at peace.
12. Take time for your health and learn what healthy means to you. I think it is important to be healthy, or as healthy as you can be. I intend to stick around in this life for a long time, so I have to take care of this shell that was given to me. Don't be okay with not feeling well. Find out why you aren't and do something about it. I think taking control of your health can be one of the most difficult things to do. I also think it is necessary.
13. Remember to laugh and laugh often. This one is pretty self-explanatory. Laughter lightens you. It takes away the bad and replaces it with the good. In a split second. Wow.
14. Go after something you truly want, even if it scares you. Ah, bravery. Something we all want, but can be so hard to get. I want to write. I want to be good at it also. And successful. It scares the dickens out of me to go after this goal. What if I fail? What if no one likes it? But, what if they do? Go for whatever you want. If you fall on your ass, get back up and at least know that you are a bad ass that went after what you wanted.
15. Leave the house and get out of your comfort zone. See what the world has to offer. I am, admittedly, a home-body. It is nice and comforting at times, but often I have to push myself out the door to go do things. It is something I want to change. Getting out more, doing more, living more. My comfy little home oasis will be waiting for me when I get back.
16. Adventure is out there! Go seize it. I have an adventurous spirit. I want to travel. I want to up and move somewhere just because it is beautiful and we can. So many things my little heart wants to do. So many things I have to do.
What would you put on your list of intentions? Of letting-gos? What do you want to attack with gusto this year? I really do hope all of you have a fantastic year. I hope it is everything you could ever want. I hope you go after what you want, and take time to soak it all in.
Happy New Year!
Ditch the Resolutions.
To resolve means to find a solution to a problem.
You are not a problem.
The way you showed up for your life the past year was necessary for your growth.
Now is a time to reflect. To learn.
To create an intention, a positive call to shift, a spark of magic + manifestation rooted in self-love and backed by action.
Danielle Doby (I Am Her Tribe Instagram account)