Welp, just like that, another year has come and gone, and it's once again my birthday week.
I might be on my own here, but the New Year and my birthday always causes a mental self-retreat. I tend to look inward at my life. At what I have accomplished. At where my life is going. If things aren’t going well, or I’m caught in the dirty clutches of anxiety, my outlook can often look bleak. I look at all I haven’t done instead of all I have.
Inevitably, there’s always aspects of my life I would change. Or better. I don’t think that is necessarily a negative thing, I think that just comes with growth. All year long we grow, we change, we make decisions that lead us down road Y instead of road X. And all year long, we dream. And hopefully those small changes or steps we are taking in our lives are leading us closer to reaching those dreams.
The writing classes I took through SMU were beyond helpful. Not just for “how to write a novel,” but for the friendships and relationships I made along the way. I’m now part of a writing group—we call ourselves “the hive”—and we meet weekly to read pages, get and give advice, and keep each other sane during this beautifully, messy process of becoming published authors.
But this past week, we did something different. We have a lovely psychologist in our group (with the most beautiful home I’ve ever seen—seriously), who challenged us to share our writing dreams with one another. Someone would say their dream, no matter how big or how small, and then we would all vocalize back what we heard and where we see them in the future. She called it “Dream Manifestation.”
At first I was nervous. You know how there are people that are somewhat introverted, somewhat extroverted? Yeah, that’s not me. I am a full-on introvert. And I had to share my hopes and dreams? Granted, these people are my friends, but still. Your dreams are your babies. They’re sacred.
But then others started talking and sharing, and it was exciting. We all want and hope for the same aspect of being a writer. To be published and successful. But everyone’s dreams were different. The best part? I could see every single one of those ladies doing just what they vocalized. I see them bettering the world with their words. I see them shooting up the best-seller charts. And hopefully it all started in that small SMU room.
So, if someone sat you down and asked you what your dreams are, what would you say? What tingles your toes and gets your heart pounding? Where is life taking you?
And what did I dream of? I’ll tell you just a smidge…
I dream of holding a book that I wrote in my hands. Paper and ink, sweat and tears. I want to see my name written on the cover.
I’ve lived a great life with people that love me. But as we’ve discussed before, that doesn’t always keep the demons from your mind, or the darkness from creeping in. I struggle with my self-worth and my self-image. PCOS has robbed me of my confidence. My biggest dream? To show myself that I did it, that my chance was worth it. That I’m worth it. That I took a big, fat, flying leap of faith, and… I made it. Kelly gets her groove back and all that. I want to use my voice and words to make people feel, make people laugh, fall in love, and understand that sometimes life is hard, and that’s okay.
Those are my dreams. What are yours?
Until next time,