In a world of flashy consumerism and more is less, what should we try to ignore?
This question, mixed with the idea of letting go of the things that bog me down, has been circling in my head for weeks now.
I spend a ridiculous amount of time worrying, overthinking, and over analyzing many aspects of my life. Most I can’t even change, so why do I offer so much of myself to these irritating quirks?
What’s the secret to releasing one’s demons and facing each day anew? It’s a question I’ve been trying to figure out. I’m a dweller. A stuffer. I keep things inside until one day they explode in an epic emotional meltdown. It’s who I am. I’ve been working on journaling more, releasing some of these thoughts, and I’m hoping, in the long run, the action helps calm some of the erratic tension plaguing my mind.
I know it’s not easy to ignore all the aspects of our lives that trouble us. But what if we were able to take tiny steps to fix the problem while ignoring the negative feelings that accompany our perceived shortcoming?
It might be a long road. It might not be easy.
Here are three things I’m currently trying to ignore.
My fear of failure.
I’ll admit, many people in my life tell me that I’ve already not failed as a writer because I wrote and finished a book. A whole 90,000-word novel. Whenever someone tells me this, I immediately say “I know, I know.” But inside I’m whispering, “So what? My dream is to be published.” I’ve got to let this go. I need to ignore my fear of failure. Because my people are right. I’m doing it. I’m writing. I’m a writer. Why is that so hard to admit?
My negative body image.
For the past few years, I’ve watched my weight climb higher and higher on the scale while slipping into a dangerous place of self-loathing and body hate. I’ve cursed my wretched ovaries, my freakish lab results, my inability to control anything happening in my body. PCOS has robbed me of so much, but I’m finally ready to slap that bitch into place. But I have to remember it won’t come overnight and it won’t come easy. Until it does, I need to ignore my simmering anger at the body I feel betrayed me. It’s the only one I’ve got, so I better love it well.
My guilt over stepping away from nursing.
These next words are difficult to write. I’ve often thought of myself as some sort of monster for being so dissatisfied with caring for sick children. What is wrong with me? Why was I so unhappy? While I know my displeasure lied in many aspects of the nursing culture, it’s been really hard for me to think of myself as a good person. I was doing a job that should have been a wonderful calling, and instead, I’d cry most mornings on my drive into work. But it’s time to acknowledge that the feelings and emotions were real, even if I can't always explain them. I made the extremely difficult choice of listening to my mind and body before I lost myself completely. So, I need to ignore the guilt and remind myself that I stepped away for the betterment of my soul and the patients. Towards the end, I had very little of myself left to give. This is an ongoing battle for multiple reasons, but it’s one I’m working on daily.
What are the sticky parts of your life you want to ignore? What things do you struggle with?
Join me in the fight of beating back our insecurities and focusing on living our best lives.
Until next time,