Yesterday, without thinking, I shared something pretty personal on Instagram.
I’m not the best at Boomerangs, but I quite enjoy them. There I was, sitting on an exam table, legs covered with a crispy paper sheet, my at-home pedicure swaying through the air while my legs danced an anxious jig.
My bare butt was chilly. My mind all over the place. I was waiting for the doctor to come in and perform our third IUI. Or intrauterine insemination. Basically, the sexiest, most romantic way to have a baby.
I go back and forth on how much of my life I share with, well, everyone. This infertility journey is a struggle, man. It can be isolating, frustrating, heart breaking. But I promised myself really early on to never allow bitterness or anger to seep in. And for the most part, I’ve succeeded.
But, I’m human, and some days are harder than others. That’s why I have friends and family who have personally promised to slap me if I become the worst version of myself. The version I never want to become. That’s love, people.
The IUI went off without a hitch, as it always does. I’m married to a jokester who, when checking in, says to the office manager, “Third time’s a charm, ya?” And when the doctor finished, speculum was removed, Jimmy looked over to me with all seriousness and said, “Was it good for you?”
I love him. I laugh every time, even if I’m rolling my eyes. I’ve learned you have to keep your humor. You have to laugh (or try to) when a hot flash rolls through your body and all you want is to highjack a Mrs. Baird’s truck and be left alone for hours with your recently stolen loaves of bread. You have to laugh through your husband’s inappropriate comments. And somehow, you find a way to laugh on the day you get negative results.
This is my journey, and it’s a journey millions of women are also on. I’ve decided it’s nothing to be ashamed of, even though it hurts. And it feels unfair. And some days I want to kick and scream. But it’s my journey. So, I will hold on to “Third time’s a charm.” Because why not? And I think I’ll keep sharing our story. If anything, you might get some laughs. And it’s helpful for me.
No one wants to see what happens when I bottle everything up inside. Believe me, it’s not pretty.
I hope you all have a wonderful Friday and an even better weekend!
Until next time,